#TalkFertility – I really needed to talk about our infertility journey

Wanted to talk about infertility

“Experiencing infertility and going through IVF is something that only those who go through it can fully understand,” says Eloise. “Sometimes I just really needed to talk about how I was feeling but none of my close friends were in the same position.  

“The first time we had IVF we literally told no one and then when it didn’t work we felt as though we had no one to lean on. We have both learnt that being more open with people around us about our infertility struggles and having IVF is really beneficial and it has also stopped the awkward questions from people about ‘when we were going to have a baby’.  

“I had been a bit naïve and just assumed that it would work first time. I think I just needed a little bit of a reality check and coping mechanisms to help me if it didn’t work again. So, we had two free counselling sessions through Bourn Hall after our first IVF treatment and found it really helpful. 

It was nice to talk to someone who wasn’t emotionally involved 

“The counselling after our first treatment definitely helped me cope better with the fact the second one didn’t work either. It was also nice to be able to talk to an independent person who wasn’t actually emotionally involved. I would normally talk to my mum, but she was also grieving the loss that it hadn’t worked and also sad for us because it wasn’t working.”  

The couple had a further unsuccessful cycle and then tackled a fourth. 

“When we found out I was pregnant after the fourth attempt I felt such a mixture of emotions. I had started bleeding before we were due to take a test and so we assumed it hadn’t worked. But then the next morning I woke up and I had really sore boobs and I was like ‘well that has never happened before…’ so I took the test and it was positive but then because I was bleeding I was like ‘well are we losing it, has it worked or not?’   

“So, it was a constant ‘oh I am really happy that we are pregnant, but what is going to happen?’ 

I found going through IVF easier once people knew 

The couple’s daughter Esti was born on 11 January 2020 after two fresh rounds of IVF (with ICSI) and two frozen embryo transfers. In August this year, after further (self-funded) IVF treatment at Bourn Hall the couple found out they were expecting twins – due early next year. 

“The main piece of advice I would give to other couples is to make sure you remain a team and I think for people who haven’t had a child yet I do think the advice that Jackie gave us about still making time for each other made a massive difference,” says Eloise. “I know that a lot of people are quite private about having IVF which I completely understand but I actually found it easier going through it once people knew.”  

Eloise and Ian lived in Luton when they had their NHS treatment and were eligible for three NHS cycles of funded treatment (this funding is being reduced to one cycle). Luton & Dunstable Hospital acts as a satellite clinic for Bourn Hall NHS patients and so the couple had most of their appointments at the Luton & Dunstable with their egg collection, IVF and embryo transfer taking place at Bourn Hall.

Eloise says: “Being able to have our appointments at the Luton & Dunstable actually made it easier with things like work, rather than travelling to Cambridge for all the appointments. The staff there were absolutely incredible and made us feel important rather than just a number. Dr Jude Jose was absolutely amazing, he kept our spirits up throughout the whole process.”