Fertility after 35 – Gaby became a mum again after 8 years

Gaby was 31 when she started to try for a baby with her husband Tim.  She already had a five-year-old daughter from her previous relationship, so she didn’t think it would be a problem. It took 8 years before she become a mum again ahead of her 40th birthday.

“We went and had all the tests with the NHS. At first, they said there was nothing wrong, but as time went on they started to say I had a low ovarian reserve.”

A woman is born with all the eggs she will have and these are gradually lost until about 35, when the process accelerates. The AMH test gives an indication of the ‘ovarian reserve’ the supply of eggs at the time of testing, but this does not give an indication of future fertility. When all the eggs are gone the woman enters menopause.

Using Clomid to stimulate ovaries

“I was nearly 32 when we started trying but the clock carried on ticking and nothing was happening. I began to panic because there weren’t many eggs left and time is of the essence. 

“I went on Clomid to stimulate my egg production. I thought: ‘right, this is it; this is going to be our little magic spell – this should really speed things up’.

“But things still weren’t working and I was having so much intercourse that I just didn’t want it anymore! 

“Eventually we were told that we could keep trying or go for IVF, but as I already had a child we wouldn’t be eligible for funding. 

“That was quite scary, because from our research it seemed like a woman of my age only really had a 20 per cent chance. We thought: ‘oh God this is a massive gamble, we are not wealthy people at all’. We scraped everything together – we didn’t get into debt, but we did live off beans and toast to make it happen. If we hadn’t, we wouldn’t have Casper. 

Chose Bourn Hall for IVF treatment

“We chose Bourn Hall because it was close, the nurse at the hospital recommended it and we had a friend who had gone there and had successful IVF. 

“I felt sad for my husband more than anything, because he didn’t have any children and he really wanted a child of his own with me. Suddenly you find someone you are serious about and get married and you want to do everything right this time. I had the opportunity to have that and I couldn’t. 

“I also felt bad because it was like the NHS was saying to Tim: if you had picked a wife who didn’t have a child then you could have had funding. And I did feel that being a woman over 30 the panic was on my behalf, to try and get this baby we both wanted it so badly. 

“Covid had struck and we were putting all our holiday funds into having treatment.  

“Obviously, it is a big financial strain; there are all these different packages where you pay for so many cycles and if it doesn’t work you get some money back. It is really hard to know which package to go for. The one we chose was for two goes. We thought: ‘if you pay for two and it works the first time then happy days, and if not we’ve got a second go – but if it doesn’t work on the second one then we need to re-evaluate’.  

Infertility is a type of grief

“The first egg collection in January only produced four eggs and only two fertilized. I had both embryos transferred at day three.

“I was feeling hopeful because I had two embryos in me so I thought ‘if one of them doesn’t work the other one will’. We waited two weeks to do the pregnancy test and I was so anxious every day. And then I started bleeding. We did the test; it was negative. We just looked at each other thinking ‘it can’t be; really?’ You feel so disheartened.

“It was the most devastating thing. I was so wound up and upset– it really is a type of grieving, but you don’t actually believe it, you think ‘it’s not even a baby so why do I feel like that?’ 

“With no embryos to freeze, I knew I would need another fresh cycle so we had to start from scratch all over again.  

“We said: ‘okay we have got one go left; if it doesn’t work this time I think we are going to have to draw a line under it and say we are not meant to have kids together and just accept fate’. 

Threw everything at the last shot

“I took two weeks off work in the build-up to having the eggs collected so I could get my body completely relaxed. We went for nice casual walks, watched feel-good movies, I didn’t touch any form of junk food – not even a bar of chocolate! – and tried to relax completely, stay positive and go into it with a positive mindset. 

“I suffer with anxiety and take Sertraline every day to try and calm myself down; this was recommended by a nurse as it has a low risk if you are pregnant. 

“After the two weeks of mindfulness we went in the second time for the egg collection – this time I had eight eggs, which was obviously a lot more than I had had before.

Difficult decisions

“Six of the eggs fertilized and four were strong. There were two that looked stronger than the others at day five – blastocyst stage. 

“On day five they asked if I wanted one put back, or two. You only have a short amount of time to make this decision. When you want a baby so much a part of you feels maybe we should put two back. But they said one had a better chance of working and with two we might end up with twins.

An obstacle to overcome at every stage

“You feel like everything has been a hurdle: how many eggs am I going to get? Are they going to fertilise? Are they going to make it? Will we get to day five? Will it implant? Will the second pregnancy test be positive? Will there be a heartbeat at the seven-week scan?  

“And then after that: I am 39 – will the baby have Down’s Syndrome?  

“It wasn’t until we had had our second scan that we felt a little bit more confident – but then even when I was in labour, I wondered if I would be able to deliver safely. Everything has been a massive hurdle to get to this point.

“Casper was born on 9 January 2022 and we felt ecstatic. My husband says the cup of tea we had in the delivery suite was the best cup of tea we have ever had, because we were just gazing at our little miracle and he was absolutely perfect.

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