Day 8: Coping with friends getting pregnant when you’re not

Coping with ChristmasYou don’t know everyone’s story; it might be that your work colleague has been trying to conceive for years! But for now they are just another on a growing list of people that have told you they are pregnant.

Once you move into the phase of being ‘un-pregnant’  – the time when you have realised that things are not going to happen as fast as you want – then you also become acutely aware that everyone else seems to be finding it easy.

The key is to find methods of coping:

Give yourself some distance – quietly remove yourself from Facebook for a while and re-focus, perhaps by spending a bit more one-to-one time with real friends who aren’t going through this phase.

It is okay to think but not to act – “I hate your outwardly perfect life and I hope your baby never gives you more than two hours’ sleep” but try not to say it out loud.

If it’s a close friend that is pregnant  – tell her you are delighted for her but are struggling with your own sadness. Chances are by the time her baby arrives, you’ll be pregnant yourself or will at least have moved on in your ‘trying to conceive journey’ in some way.

Be kind to yourself, make excuses  – it’s not horrible to feel this way. It’s natural. If it is all too much, simply take yourself out of the equation – much better than to spend an hour sobbing afterwards.

Take action – being informed about your fertility is the first step towards pregnancy.  Find out if there is any reason for your failure to conceived and get good advice about your options. Eating better, feeling fitter, making time to be with your partner can all help boost fertility.

Find out more about Bourn Hall’s support and counselling options here.

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